Sushi, Soup, and Vampires

Preface

As you may remember, I was pretty worn out from battling werewolves in the Hollywood Hills with James Dean. As stated, when I arrived at my apartment complex, I found a distressed Bruce Lee's ghost sitting in my lobby signaling for my attention. I was dead tired, but when your childhood idol is sitting on a sofa in your lobby beckoning for assistance without thought you walk over shake his hand sit in the adjacent lounge chair and say...

Chapter 1

"It's an honor to meet you Mr. Lee. I'm probably your biggest fan. How can I help you?"

"Thank you, Mr. Dwake. I need your help very bad. I have come a long way to seek your assistance."

"Anything that I can do to assist you would be my greatest honor, Mr. Lee. You were my childhood hero. I had posters of you all over my room. Whatever you need I got you!"

"I have lost my honor. I must redeem myself for the sake of my master, my students, and the Shaolin Temple!"

"Okay. I got you. But I've got to tell you I only got to a green belt in karate."

"I will not need you to fight for me."

"Good! I mean you're Bruce Lee! Why would you need my help fighting?! Right?! 

"Exactly."

I was relieved, but kind of hurt at the same time. 

"So, how can I assist you Mr. Lee?"

"Very bad men. But not really men at all. Demons! Supernatural dark beings have destroyed the honor of the Shaolin Temple. The leader of these Hell Spawn, "Tam Lau" challenged my Master and drained his life force. To redeem my master's honor, I challenged Tam Lau, but met a similar fate. Tam Lau then stole the sacred scroll from its ceremonial post located in my dojo in Chinatown. Binding the souls of my Master, my students and myself here on earth for an eternity! I must defeat Tam Lau and return the scroll to free us before the fall of the red moon or all is lost, and we will suffer here till the end of time and beyond."

"That's heavy. Sure, I'll do anything to help. When does this red moon appear exactly?!"

"In one day!"

"By tomorrow night?!"

"The reason for my urgency. That's why it was imperative that I find you!"

"What do you need from me?"

"I heard that you can see those like us."

"Yes."

"I need the services of someone with both a foot in this world and the spirit world."

"That would be me."

"Tam Lau's temple is never located in the same place for more than three days. Word is that you are a detective. I need you to locate his temple before the fall of the red moon so that I can defeat him and reclaim the honor of the Shaolin temple!"

"Actually, I'm not really a detective, more like food service."

"Food service?! Like my cousins who work in the restaurant?!"

"Well, actually I'm like a driver. I deliver the food."

"Like my cousins who work in the restaurant!"

"Well similar, but not exactly."

"But you have helped others like myself?"

"Yes, this is true."

"Good! Remember, the profession does not convey the man. You have performed errands of this sort for others of my kind, am I correct in assuming this?"

"I have aided other ghost into finding their way to the light, yes."

"Then you are my man!"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"How did Tam Lau manage to defeat you and your master? You say that they were supernatural beings of some sort?"

"Yes. Vampires. Tam Lau is the leader of a powerful sect of ancient vampires that had plagued the far east for centuries. Until they migrated here to feast on the riches of western society. In the heat of the battle, both my master and I, unaware that he was a vampire, were caught off guard by his superior strength and speed. We were bitten and drained of our life essence binding myself, my master, and student's spirits to this plane in death to the end of time."

"Does legend give any hints as to where one might find clues in locating Tam Lau's temple?"

"No. But one may be able to find out by asking Confucius."

"Confucius. Where do we find him?"

"It is said that anything that one needs can be found at the Smiling Dragon."

"What's the Smiling Dragon?" 

"A restaurant in Chinatown."

"You think that this place can give us a lead?"

"It's worth a try."

"Well, the nights young and your time is running short. Who needs sleep or dry clothes? Let's go."

Chapter 2

Bruce followed me and the trail of wet footprints I left in my wake. My clothes were still damp from when I had jumped into the pool earlier to evade being killed by a werewolf. I could feel water squish between my toes inside my tennis shoes as I walked. The brisk night air lashed at my face and body like a winter's baptism. We walked to my parking space got into the Toyota Prius and headed for Chinatown. I hit the freeway, got off on Cesar Chavez took it to Figueroa and rode that down to Chinatown. I parked on the street and we walked to a dilapidated restaurant that looked like it had gone out of business long ago. It was boarded up and you could see jagged triangles missing from various dusty and blackened window shards through the tattered rotting wooden planks nailed over them.

Bruce passed through the closed door with no problem then opened it for me and I stepped inside. The restaurant was vibrant with activity. Hordes of hungry customers clamored for their pork dumplings Wu Shu chicken or large bowls overlapping with noodles that legions of waiters hustled back and forth from the kitchen to the patrons seated at various tables scattered about the place. There was a green neon tube lit sign over the bar which blinked the bar's moniker "The Smiling Dragon" like Morse code. An Asian bartender behind the bar was shoving a dingy dish rag into a glass to soak out the extra moisture as his partner rapidly served the thirsty mob shouting out their chosen requests. 

There was a band playing old school golden age rock and roll on stage. I looked closer and to my surprise I saw the words "Little Richard and the Upsetters" stenciled on the drummer's bass drum kit. I surveyed the performers wailing on instruments and sure enough there was Little Richard in all of his splendor banging on the piano with reckless abandon as he sang out "A whop bop a lu a whop bam boo!" My eyes traveled to the guitar player. A tall lanky black guy with a large afro and a long red and yellow paisley bandana tied around his forehead. His clothing was completely divergent from the others in the band who all wore dark two-piece suits except for Little Richard who wore white. The guitarist wore a free-flowing red blouse like shirt with puffy French renaissance sleeves and black and white stripped bell bottom pants. His playing seemed to irritate Richard who kept shooting him spiteful glances as he strummed his way through the song improvising intricate and blistering solos as he played. On closer examination I saw that the guitarist was indeed Jimi Hendrix, and he was upstaging Richard something fierce as he drifted into a guitar solo that left everyone in the club except me and Bruce and possibly a few others at a total loss. I turned to Bruce.

"So, where do we find Confucius?"

Bruce's eyes surveyed the area then he pointed enthusiastically across the room. "Over there!" he said. He took off walking in a brisk pace and I instinctively followed him while trying to discern which patron he had indicated. In my mind's eye I imagined that Confucius would have to be pretty damn old, and probably hairy. Long white beard dressed in mandarin clothing and most likely bald. I spotted one such individual who fit this exact description sitting alone at a lone table in the back smoking a long thin wooden pipe in the general direction we were headed. To my surprise Bruce led me right past the gentleman deeper into the restaurants rear where we stopped in front of a mechanical soothsayer's booth with the wax figure of a young K-pop looking Asian wearing shell green round John Lennon type shades and bleached blond hair dressed stylishly in an Armani suit stationed behind the glass window of the wooden box. I read the colorful writing on the sign painted above the box reading "Confucius". Wow! Really?! This is it?! I felt like an idiot. I couldn't believe that Bruce had brought me all the way across town just for this! The frustration began to wear on my face, but Bruce seemed not to notice as he searched his pockets with both hands until a look of frustration fell across his brow and he ceased his futile search.

"Do you by chance have fifty cents?" he asked.

I dug my hand into my pocket and came up with the necessary coinage and gave it to him. 

"Thank you. Much appreciated. "

"No problem Bruce. Anytime."

He turned back to the machine and deposited the two quarters into the metal slot indicating change and the young trendy exec sprung into life. His eyes bore through you behind the green tinted shades giving an almost hypnotizing effect.

"I have the answers to all questions of the universe. You merely have to ask, and I shall give you what you need."

The thing moved its hands with expert grace, motioning and imploring as it spoke. When it had finished it laid both hands face down flat on the table and leaned forward anticipating a question. I couldn't help but think that the architecture of the thing was unfathomable. Kudos to the engineer.

"Where will Tam Lau's black temple next appear?" asked Bruce with vengeance burning in his words.

The wax boy band member smiled, sat back in its chair and interlaced its fingers and rested them on his chest as it threw both feet up on the table in front of it and crossed its legs at the ankles. "Who built this thing?!" "I thought to myself.

For some seconds there was silence. Finally, we heard the mechanical gears of the machine begin to grind to life. When it stopped, we heard the sound of a small object tumbling down a metal chute within the bowels of the machine and resting against the tiny metal catch next to the change slot. Bruce flipped open the catch latch and retrieved a plastic oval, like in the common gumball machine at a grocery store or laundry mat. Bruce twisted the halves counter to each other and separated them. Inside was a fortune cookie. I love fortune cookies. I don't discard the cookies after reading the fortune, I actually eat them. I think that they're quite tasty. A hint of vanilla as you chew, interesting texture, what's not to like? Bruce removed the cookie from its enclosure and held it in the palm of his hand like a delicate flower. Then quicker than a bear trap snapping on its prey his hand clinched and he ground the airy cookie into a fine powder, turning his fist perpendicular and letting the miniscule crumbs fall to the floor like the sands in an hour glass. He yelled out in the familiar high-pitched howl that I remembered so well from all of his movies.

"Owe ooooh aiiiiia eee hoo hoo!"

Magic. But none the less I was broken up about the cookie thing. I was looking forward to eating that cookie. Bruce opened his hand to find that he was holding a rectangular piece of paper in his hands. I stepped forward to read it with him. 

"Come one come all. A good time had for all big and small. Read between the lines. Now is just the time. I can see the signs. View behind the blinds. All of life's a stage. Living in a cage."

I read and re-read it and came to the same conclusion every time. Utter nonsense. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. I looked at Bruce and he looked equally as lost. 

"Do you understand?" he gazed at me like a child wanting me to tell him that there was indeed a Santa Claus. 

"No." I said frustrated. 

I was cold and my wet clothes were still damp and clinging to my body from my prior werewolf escapade up in the hills. I was dead tired and had driven all the way out here to be given gibberish by some snotty nosed rich Asian wax dummy that was sitting back smirking at me safely behind glass paneling.

"This is it?!" Bruce asked himself aloud. "This is why we came here?!" he asked a second time with frustration.

"If he thought that he was pissed, walk two minutes in my shoes! "I thought to myself. 

Bruce seemed to hang his head and deflate all at once. He turned away from the hated machine and began to make his way to the exit. I followed feeling just as dejected as he must have felt at that moment. 

On my way out I spotted some excitement brewing on my right. I steadied my vision and saw that it was Errol Flynn and Bette Davis seated at a table across from each other engaged in what appeared to be a heated argument. Errol was dressed to the nines in a black tuxedo looking as young and virile as ever. Bette had a mink stole draped over her shoulders and was garbed in a blue sequined dress looking as stunning as when she was in her heyday as a screen legend. She was elegantly smoking a cigarette from a long thin white cigarette holder as she waved an accusatory finger fervently at Errol.

"You've always have been a selfish no acting, louse!" she scorched. "And that mushroom tip that you claim to be a penis is nothing to write about! Let me tell you! The great lover, Ha! What a bunch of hooey! No wonder you preferred them young. You being built like a prepubescent boy! Now Victor Mature! They didn't call him mature for nothing!"

Errol seemed hurt by these comments and his lip began to twitch unconsciously.

"You old witch! Who are you to talk?! Overacting all over the place like some prima donna know it all bitch. Just to overcompensate for the fact that you look like a cross between a toad and a bulldog!"

At this Bette Davis flung her drink into his face and slammed the empty glass down hard on the table before getting up and storming off. Errol sat there silent, wet, and alone for a moment with a stunned look on his face. Then he broke into tears. Wailing loudly like a young child. Literally torn with anguish. I told Bruce to wait a moment and I went over and sat down in Bette's Davis's vacant seat across from him. Errol had always been another big hero of mine. I watched all his movies growing up. If he was in distress, I felt it my duty to help in any way possible. 

"Mr. Flynn?" I asked. "Is there anything that I can do?"

"No nothing." He managed to sputter out between sobs.

"You seem distressed?"

"I'm alright."

"If I must say it doesn't seem so."

"That bitch Bette Davis! She said I couldn't act. She's always saying that! I hear things! I know the score with her! Bitch!" he blurted before falling back in a fit of agony and tears. 

"Don't listen to her." I implored. "She doesn't know what she's talking about. I love your movies!"

He peeked out one eye between the spreading fingers he held over his face to conceal his crying.

"You're just saying that." He managed to get out between bawling and attempts to wipe tears and snot from his nose. 

"No, I'm not! Captain Blood?! I watch it every time it's on. The Sea Hawk?! Are you joking?! And let's not mention Robin Hood! That's my jam! Even that cowboy movie San Antonio! I love you! You're one of my favorite actors of all time!"

His wailing drew to a sniffle and he arched an eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Absolutely! I think way better than Gable or Cooper or any of them."

"Better than Gable?"

"Yeah. Those guys seemed to use a lot of effort to act if you ask me. You had a very modern style of acting. Way before your time." 

"Yeah! Way before my time!" said Flynn with confidence.

"Like I said, you're one of my favorite actors of all time, next to possibly Dean, Pitt and Denzel."

"I know Dean. Tragic what happened. Amazing talent. And I'm sure that those other two chaps are decent sorts also."

"I assure you they are."

"Good. You know, she was lying about the pecker thing. There's many a woman who can attest to that! Victor Mature?! I'm sure! What a joke! That woman is such a blight on the goodwill of society that I fail to see her reasons for existing at all! A plague is what she is! Stick your thing in that and its Petri dish city is all I'm saying!" He expelled before taking a deep breath and sitting back exhausted. "Well, old chap," he said. "I must say that I feel much better after talking to you. Can I buy you a drink?" 

"No thanks. I was just on my way out when I saw you."

"Okay. Well, it was good meeting you. What was your name?"

"Drake Mullberry." I extended my hand, and he shook it. 

"Well, Drake Mullberry good to meet you. You already know me of course."

"Most def."

"So, you have a good evening. I've got some errands to run. "

As he said this, I followed his line of sight to a young Elizabeth Taylor eating wok fried wings and noodle soup across from a young Monty Cliff who was chowing down on a plate of egg rolls and Wu Shu pork. They were intently focused on their conversation.

"You take care." Said Errol as he got up from his seat and suavely walked over to Elizabeth's and Monty's table and introduced himself, shrewdly focusing all his attention and charm on Miss Taylor. I got up and crossed back to Bruce who was still waiting across the room. Together we headed for the exit. Before we could reach the door there was a commotion coming from the stage area and me and Bruce stopped and watched the antics unfolding under the bright lights. Little Richard was pacing back and forth angrily on stage as he loudly chastised Jimi Hendrix in front of the packed restaurant as Jimi stood there silent with an emotionless look on his face.

"I've had it!" Richard emoted in anger as he paced. "I tried to give you another chance! Make up for bad blood! But what do you do?! Spit in my face! Once again you get up here playing all crazy! All over the place doing whatever you want regardless of what the other members in the band are doing! To hell with the melody! When I go Whoo! I don't expect your guitar to go Whoo back! We don't need that Jimi! But all that wasn't enough for you was it Jimi? You had to go and do that! What is that Jimi?!" 

He indicated a guitar ablaze with flames still burning on stage.

"That's the last straw Jimi! I can't say that it pains me to do this again, but you fired again, Jimi! For a second time! Because you've clearly lost your mind!"

"Just doing what I do, baby. Sorry if the vibe was too funky for you to groove on. But I've got to let my freak flag fly at all times baby." Said Jimi nonchalant.

"What the hell are you talking about, Jimi? You need to lay off those sugar cubes you be liking so much."

"Whatever baby. Peace and love." Said Jimi flipping Richard the Peace sign as he exited the stage. I watched him walk through the crowd and receive accolades and pats on the back from the hipper customers in the bar. The ones who had died during or after his heyday in psychedelia. I saw him look in our direction and recognize Bruce and begin to make his way towards us.

"Bruce Lee, my man! It's an honor to meet you! Green Hornet is the grooviest most far out thing on the squawk box! That's my shit! Nothing can lay a finger on it! I got a suggestion though. Less Green Hornet more Kato! That's why everybody watches that show. Ain't nobody trying to see no Green Hornet! Everybody waiting to see Kato kick some ass! That's the show! Now here you are! Bruce Lee! The Master! In the flesh! Kinda, not really but you know what I'm saying. Jimi Hendrix, glad to meet you." Jimi extended a hand, and they shook.

"So, what brings you guys here?" Jimi asked.

"We came for guidance from the great Confucius. But it must all be a hoax. What he gave us was garbage!" said Bruce in a defeated tone. Jimi looked at me and I nodded in solemn concurrence. 

"That's strange? Confucius is never wrong. That's his gig, baby. He gives you what you need. Maybe you missed something?"

"I doubt that." I said dismissively. "I read it. Its gibberish, believe him."

Jimi's eyebrow raised slightly skeptically appraising me. A relaxed grin appeared on his face before he graciously asked if he could view the riddle. Bruce handed it to him, and Jimi began to read through the hodgepodge of words. Three seconds later he looked up and said, "The carnival".

Bruce and I stared back at him in astonishment with our mouths agape, stunned by the swiftness in which he had solved the riddle.

"Carnival?!" I said in disbelief and shock. "How did you get Carnival out of that?!" I asked.

"It's all right there in front of you if you know how to look baby." He said with that iconic grin on his face.

"But how did you get carnival out of this?! I just don't get it?!" I said still lost to his process of reasoning.

"Well." he said. "It alludes to the carnival all through it. Come one come all. Life in a cage. See behind the blinds. But more importantly the first letter of each sentence spells out the word carnival."

I was blown away by his deductive skills and he laughed at the dumbfounded expression on my face.

"Never underestimate the power of super powerful mind-altering drugs." I told myself. 

"Hey! I saw one near Echo Park on my way here earlier." Jimi added.

We thanked him and hurried out of the restaurant destined for the carnival that he had indicated. As we were leaving Jim Morrison swung by me gripping a chandelier by one hand while draining a bottle of Jack in the other. He dropped down and he and Jimi began to talk and reminiscence about old times. They were deep into it as me and Bruce left the bar.

Chapter 3

We arrived in Echo park minutes later and was met instantly by a crowd of festive carnival attendees headed for a night of fun at Sun Ling's Chinese carnival. We were stuck in a glut of traffic, so we decided to pull off on a side street, park, and walk back towards the carnival.

I paid my way in and entered a wonderland of colorful exotic sights. Acrobats performed all feats of flips and contortions as others walked on wires high above me or rode unicycles dressed in colorful traditional garb down aisles while juggling. It all was quite festive and alive, and the thongs of people were chattering to each other like happy primates and lapping it all up like suckers ready to be rolled. I couldn't help but notice that all of performers and vendors had either what I perceived to be fake plastered on smiles or stoically fixed faces that showed no emotion. I found this odd but pushed the thought to the back of my mind as Bruce and I strolled through the park looking for signs of Tam Lau and his black temple. 

We walked the grounds for an hour without sighting any sign of the villain's presence on the premises. I was ready to give up when we came upon the house of mirrors. Looming up behind it was a silhouette of a big black castle towering to the sky. From this position it looked like the only way to gain entrance was through the house of mirrors and that didn't seem like a good idea for a number of reasons. I suggested that we make our way to the rear to see if a more direct approach could be launched. We climbed over a metal barrier and made our way down a dirt hill and walked a ways through some vines of over grown weeds then headed back up the up climb and worked our way to the rear of the house of mirrors near the black temple that now loomed over us. It was like being on a construction site. There was a high wooden fence surrounding three quarters of the area except for where we had entered. There were abandoned tractors littered about the area and the framework of an apartment complex on the other side of the tall fence in the distance. I looked back towards the black temple. The windows were barred shut and heavy chains with thick pad locks crisscrossed the locked black door guarding the rear entrance to the house of mirrors. We both stood there silent for a moment looking at the locked door. I gazed up to see if I could find any signs of life going on in the house and saw none. No lights or movement were visible through the blackened windows. I thought that I heard a sound behind me and turned instinctively. I heard the sounds of numerous people snickering and the smashing of a beer bottle breaking against metal. My stomach began to churn, knowing exactly what was to follow.

Seven men piled out in separate groups from behind the construction equipment. They were all clad in the fashion attributed to the Mexican gang that controlled the area. Long tee's and cut off knee high shorts. Three wore hair nets giving them the appearance of murderous fry cooks. 

The leader, a short square version of a miniature Mighty Mouse stepped forward first and the others rapidly followed suit and filed out around me in a menacing fashion. 

"What you doing here, Esse?" asked Mexican Mighty Mouse aggressively. 

"Just checking out the back of the house of mirrors."

"You a building inspector or something?" 

They all laughed. I saw an eighth member join the gang and nestle up under Mighty Mouse's arm. She was a pretty chola with dark hair wearing beads around her thin supple neck, sporting a Svengoolie t-shirt, a checkered red and black mini skirt with fish net stockings and stylish ankle high boots.

"Look what we got here, Tina? Some fool that just walked into our turf thinking he's all big and bad! Inspecting buildings and shit!"

"He sure is stupid!" said Tina smiling coyly at me as she clung to Mighty Mouse's chest and waist.

"You hear that?!" said Mighty Mouse to me. "She thinks you're stupid, too! And you don't look like no building inspector to me. Where's your credentials? And why are you wet? It's not raining! You work at the dunking tank?"

"No. It's a long story."

"Long story, eh? Well. Believe me holms, you got time. But time is always running out."

More snickers from the peanut gallery. This guy was killing them.

"Well. I jumped in a pool to save myself from being eaten by a werewolf."

There was a brief moment of silence then all eight broke simultaneously into gales of laughter, bending over slapping their knees and a couple rolling on the ground holding their midsections. After a full minute of this they all slowly resumed their composures and took up their previous positions of war. 

"Are you mentally...? What's the word? You know the one I always forget! Disabled! Are you mentally disabled?"

"Only my mom and brother think so."

"That's not a good sign, homey."

"That's what the psychiatrist said."

"Hmm. These are not good answers in favor of you being in good mental health, you realize that?"

"That's what the psychiatrist also said."

"It's too bad. I really hate to rob and maim the disabled, but we have an image to keep up you understand?" 

"Understandable. Is there any way that we could strike a bargain about that maiming part?"

"Oh No. It's a package deal. We wouldn't think of shorting a customer. What kind of low rate gang you think we are?!"

"My bad. Didn't mean to offend you."

"Yeah, well, comments like that can hurt people's feelings! You should be more considerate."

"You're exactly right. I'm sorry. Forgive me."

"We'll hold back a little, you being of questionable mental status and all. With any luck you might walk again someday."

"You're too kind."

"Yeah I'm sentimental. I've got a cousin. He's got to wear those leg braces. Ah forget that right now. Let's get this started, shall we?"

"Not his face!" said Tina seductively, eyeing me like seasoned Asada. "He's so pretty."

A look of utter fury erupted on Mighty Mouse's face contorting his features into an angry mask of rage. I wondered had Tina done this to purposely make sure that I would be killed in the process.

Bruce, who had been silent throughout this whole ordeal stepped valiantly in front of me and looked back over his shoulder at me.

"Don't worry." He said. "I'll take care of these punks!" 

Let me tell you, there is no greater feeling for a man than to have the Bruce Lee look you in your eyes and say those words to you. I could have cried. Hearing those words were like lying on a bed of soft pillows. I felt like I could have laid down right on the porch of that temple and called to him to wake me when he was done.

Bruce loudly cracked the muscles in his neck by tilting his head swiftly left and right then took that famous fighting stance from Enter the Dragon and prepared for battle.

Mighty Mouse and his crew, all except for Tina, edged forward towards me with threatening stares and clinched fist. 

"Give me your money, fool!" spat Mighty Mouse with venom. 

I pitied these fools in a way. They had no idea that I had the ultimate bodyguard standing in for me. And that they were in for an ass kicking that they wouldn't soon forget. Then I'd take Tina home for a night of the "wild thing. I like to do the wild thing!"

The thugs descended and Bruce met them head on. Throwing a straight punch right at the point of Mighty Mouse's chin that passed right through his face like a gust of wind leaving him unharmed and totally oblivious to Bruce's presence. My interest began to perk up as an avalanche of fear began to force water from my hairline down the sides of my face. I watched Bruce jump and deliver a perfect spin kick that passed right through another thug and finish with the double leaping front kick made famous in so many of his movies. All to no avail. Everyone was unaware of the cunning skill and expertise Bruce was expelling in defeating them.

I felt Mighty Mouse's fist connect with my jaw and I hit the ground like a bowling ball flung down an alley. The gravel from the construction site seemed to pop up like a brick wall and slap me hard against the side of my face. I felt the pain of many soled feet banging against every part of my body as darkness descended and I lost consciousness. 

Chapter 4

When I woke up the thugs were gone and so was the money in my wallet. I was thankful they left my I.D. and other cards intact. That stuff being such a pain in the ass to replace. 

I raised up my bruised and battered body from the ground and turned to face a dejected and disgraced Bruce Lee who stood with his head down unable to look me in the eye.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know?! Tam Lau must have drained me of my essence when he bit me. I have lost the ability to affect earthly matter. I am a useless vessel."

I felt sorry for him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be okay." I said. "We'll think of something. You certainly can't face Tam Lau in this condition. We better get out of here and regroup until we think of a way to get you battle ready again."

There was an explosion of fireworks behind me and I turned to see Tam Lau standing on the porch of the temple robed in ancient ceremonial garb and a number of his minions who were dressed in all black like ninjas were fanned out on the construction's site's gravel. Tam Lau was a tall Asian man with smooth chalk white skin. He sported a Fu Manchu mustache and goatee and had long black hair that glistened in the moonlight. He laughed heartily at us with his hands on his hips.

"So, you discovered my little trick, eh?"

"You fiend! What have you done to me?! Demanded Bruce.

Tam Lau threw his head back and laughed mockingly. Then fixed his spiteful eyes on Bruce and smiled.

"The great Bruce Lee! Once again bested by Tam Lau! You are not a match for me in your present state. In my exuberance to consume your life force I also drained your essence of chi eliminating your ability to interact with matter in any substantial way. But I overlooked one problem. Just as you cannot harm me in your present form I cannot in turn destroy you! So, I give you this option! And this option only!"

He reached inside his robe and retrieved a scroll and tossed it to Bruce who snatched it out of the air with cat like quickness. We unraveled the parchment and we both begin to read its contents.

"Wait!" cried Tam Lau. "If you choose to pursue this course and accept my challenge then the price is if you lose the battle to me then you forfeit the right to heaven's glory and your soul shall be cast immediately into Hell to burn for all eternity!"

I turned to Bruce. "Welcome to the club." I whispered. 

Bruce turned his attention back to Tam Lau. His eyes narrowed in defiance as he spoke. 

"I accept your challenge Tam Lau! And when we meet it is I, who will send your soul to Hell!"

"Ha ha ha. We shall see." Said Tam Lau before fixing his eyes on me. "Who is your friend, little ghost? Such a brave young one to come essentially alone here to our lair as flesh and bone. I can see your aorta pumping at an alarming rate from here. It looks simply delicious. You are of the darker people I see. Mouthwatering! What's to stop me from draining you dry right where you stand?"

"Well, it sounds very painful for one." I said. "But the truth is I've got a contract with Satan already on file. My guardian angel set it up and the deal is that I get to stay here and work off time in theory without restraints until my demise under natural causes. So, technically, you kill me you void a contract and that's not gonna make the big guy too happy."

"Let me ask you something?" said Tam Lau.

"Okay." 

"What would you define as natural causes?"

"Like dying in my sleep or something."

"I think that it's more subjective than that. Now hear me out. I think that any kind of death could fall under the heading natural causes. Even violent death!"

"Our interpretations are totally different because I didn't get that."

"Yes. I'm what you call a critical thinker. Out of the box you know."

"I get that."

"So, where were we? Ah yes! Draining you dry if my memory serves me correctly."

I prayed that maybe Tiffany the angel would make an appearance and straighten things out. After all she was supposedly my guardian angel. Or was she conjured up strictly to do paperwork and destroy any hint of joy in my life. I waited. Nothing. I was on my own. Guardian angels really suck! I had no other choice but to stand there unprotected and alone awaiting my demise and hopefully fairly swift death. 

Bruce stepped in front of me and held his open palm out towards Tam Lau.

"It is forbidden for you to harm my guide! To harm him is to forfeit the Contract!"

"Very well. You are lucky young man. I was really looking forward to soul food tonight. I hear that there's a smoky hint of barbeque sauce with a spicy yet rich flavor that just melts on the tongue?"

"It's a myth. It all tastes like chicken."

His face formed into a grimace as his spiteful eyes disregarded me and fell on Bruce.

"Fair well. You have one day before we leave this site. I must tell you that if you fail to solve the scroll's riddle and meet my challenge, your soul will immediately be consumed by Hades! Which will in turn give me and my clan infinite power for our service to the dark lord!"

"You will not get the satisfaction!" retorted Bruce.

All I could think was "Damn! Another riddle!"

Tam Lau and his troop of vampires laughed like they were at a Vegas comedy club and there was a sudden puff of smoke and another explosion of fireworks and the vampires had vanished. Once again Bruce unrolled the scroll and we read it together.

"You can never regain what's lost. Only replace it with something new. Embrace it. For in this lies your power. Drink deeply from its waters. And from that of its tributaries. This is how each person finds their true essence. The Mother of Chi."

I tried the Jimi Hendrix first letter method and ended up with a cabal of letters leading nowhere. The riddle looked more like a Hallmark's greeting card to me. I felt like I was on an episode of Adam West's Batman with no Boy Wonder in sight. I always feared The Riddler the most on that program because I knew that he was the one villain that would elude and eventually destroy me. But I digress. I turned to Bruce to see if he could make heads or tails of the thing.

"Nothing." He said. "I only solve riddles on TV, I wasn't the greatest student in school. That's why I opened a dojo."

"I get it."

I told Bruce that I should get home and knock off for a few hours and shed the damp clothes. I suggested that we meet tomorrow evening and go from there. I told him that I'd call someone who might be able to help us with the riddle. He agreed and I snapped a quick pic of the scroll's message before we shook hands and parted ways for the night. I got in my car and headed for the Valley.

Chapter 5

I slept like a brick through the night straight into the afternoon. I got up. Showered, shaved, and had a good breakfast at the coffee shop down the way. I decided to make some kick around money, so I flicked on the app signaling that Munch Bucket is in effect and waited. As I surmised it was a busy day for food delivery with it being Halloween. I had numerous liquor deliveries. A lot of burgers. Three sushi trays with noodle soups, and a couple of rib runs which I copped me a platter of for lunch. They were delicious. After making a pretty good dollar for the day, I turned off the app and headed home. 

Once inside I clicked on the big screen TV took out my phone and settled down into the massage chair and let it work out the aches from the beating suffered at the hands of Mighty Mouse and friends. 

I dialed my Aunt Brenda's number. She answered after four rings.

"What's up Nephew?!"

"What's up Aunt Brenda? Where you at" 

"South Africa. Guess there seems to be some kind of bombing here. Some drug dealer's compound got blown up. Apparently, he was running slaves too."

My aunt seemed out of breath as she told me this. I heard the slamming of a window and the swift hurried sound of the latching of metal. Her breathing steadied after a few moments and she began to speak again in a calmer tone.

"So, what's been cooking, nephew?" she asked.

"Nothing really. You okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Just getting ready to go downstairs to the casino. Think I'm in a roulette mood tonight! Maybe a little blackjack?! So, you good? You still taking care of that investment account I set up for you?"

"Yes Auntie." I said clicking the message chair's power on a higher level and glancing at the catalog for new Audi's laid out on the coffee table. 

"Good. Don't run through that money. It's for a rainy day."

"Got it." I said scanning the room to sneak a glance at the new 4K TV, a mountain of video games and blue rays. Plastic wrapped copies of Superman #1 and Spiderman #1 comic books. A glass bookcase full of classic movie monster models assembled and painted to perfection. I had all of them. Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolfman, Phantom of the Opera, invisible Man, Jekyll and Hyde, The Creature, all the greats. There was also a fresh ounce of indica on the coffee table beckoning for my attention.

"I'm on it, Aunt Brenda!" I reassured her.

"How's your mom and brother?"

"They're well."

"Good. So, what's up?"

I told her about meeting Bruce Lee and filled in the details of my previous night. I read her the riddle and she was silent for a short period. I heard what sounded like dice rattling and being flung on to a table. I felt sick knowing that what I was hearing was not dice but dried chicken bones.

"You must find Mr. Lee's Master and Mr. Lee must absorb his chi to regain his power. But in doing so the Master submits to the same binding contract as Mr. Lee and will submit his soul to hell along with Mr. Lee if he loses." She answered.

I thanked auntie for her insights and help then clicked off. I sat back and contemplated the information that my aunt had relayed to me.

My phone rang.

I checked the incoming and it was my brother Brandon. Begrudgingly, I clicked over.

"Yeah, what's up?" I said.

"That's how you answer the phone?"

"Hi Brandon."

"What's up? Called to tell you that I ran into a couple of your friends at the golf course."

"What are you talking about, Brandon?"

"Officer Hunt and Officer Casey. Nice guys! They told me about your little run in with them in Hollywood. What are you doing hanging out in abandoned buildings?!"

"Wait a minute! You're friends with those two dicks that wanted to arrest me the other night? One wanted to shoot me! I could see it in his eyes! And the other one couldn't wait to put a Rodney King on my ass with his baton!"

"I think you're being hyperbolic. "

"Hyperbolic?! You weren't the one face down on the ground with a gun at your head while his partner performed the George Floyd two step on my spine!"

"I'm sure that they had their reasons. Policing is a dangerous job."

"Just like you to take the side of the gestapo intelligentsia!"

"Whatever. What you need is a real job and to grow up and stop being a blight on the family name! All this free time doesn't seem to be working out in your best interest."

"Says you! So, what did you want?!"

"It's Moms birthday today. I'm meeting her at the house and I'm calling so that you don't screw it up like you normally do. With dad dying, we both have to be there for mom now. That means that you're going to have to exhibit a little more effort than you're accustomed to."

Mom's birthday! I had totally forgotten. Damn! 

"So, don't screw it up!" he continued. "And get her something nice! Put some thought into it! I realize that your meager wages may not allow you the cushion to get something memorable but that's your own fault! I seem to be the only one looking out for this family! You need to do your part!"

"Fine!"

"Dinners at eight."

"I got it."

"Good. Be there and don't be late!"

"Fine. I got it!"

"Fine! Goodbye. And get your shit together!"

"Suck ass!"

He clicked off. 

Productive conversations between siblings can be beneficial to both parties. I read that somewhere. That certainly wasn't true in our case. We were to be separated like fighting fish for the good of society in general. Talking to Brandon always ticked my blood pressure up a notch. I reached for the ounce sack of weed and rolled a thick monster joint cut with tobacco. Most people rag on me for doing this but for some reason it's the way I prefer to smoke it, plus most people don't want to hit it when I do this, so it's a win, win for me. 

I lit the joint and let the smoke cascade down my lungs and held it for the allotted time and exhaled a plume of smoke. It wasn't much longer after that that Tiffany the angel appeared sporting her own cloud of smoke.

"I was expecting you." I said calmly sitting back and pulling more of the joints smoke into my lungs.

"Really? Do we have to keep going over this?"

"Your gig, not mine."

"You know this isn't going to work very well if you're not willing to make sacrifices!"

"Sacrifices you say?! Well, where were you when that street gang was kicking the shit out of me? Or when some psychopathic vampire threatened to drain me dryer than a milk bone?! But smoke a joint or a cigarette or touch your penis and there you are! Like some maniacal nun! You know, you really should get your priorities straight. You have got to be the worst guardian angel of all time! Here's an idea. How about filing a form that will keep me alive and in one piece! Do you have anything like that in your briefcase? Since you're obviously nothing but a file clerk! Type me a letter or something!"

"You are the most ungrateful client that I have ever had the misfortune to encounter!"

"You're hurting my feelings, ease up."

"Do you know how much work that I have done on your behalf to make sure that you don't rot in Hell for an eternity?! Well it's no walk in the park I want to tell you. And if you lived a normal life like a regular human being you wouldn't be getting attacked all the time by gangs and werewolves and vampires! I mean, who lives like that?! You should go work with your brother like a sensible person, is what you should do!"

"You love him so much marry him!"

"That's absurd! And childish!"

"No. It was just my thought that a guardian angel is supposed to guard!"

"That's a big misconception. People mistake guardian angels for bodyguards. We are not the secret service on detail."

"So, what do you do then?"

"We clear the pathway for your soul."

"So strictly paperwork?"

"Well, yeah."

"Great. I've contracted a C.P.A.!"

"You are impossible!" she exclaimed in a huff.

But then she did something totally unexpected. She reached out her open hand to me and said authoritatively. 

"Let me see that thing!"

At first, I didn't know what she was referring to but it dawned on me that she meant the joint that I was currently in the process of enjoying.

"No!" I said adamantly. 

"Come on! I'm not going to destroy it."

"You promise?"

"Yes!"

Begrudgingly I passed her the lit joint and she took it with her pinched thumb and forefinger. To my surprise she put the joint to her lips and inhaled deeply. Her eyes closed as she savored the thick smoke in her lungs before exhaling. She coughed slightly then repeated the motion. I reached out my hand to retrieve the joint, but she inhaled its contents a third time and a fourth.

"You are planning on passing that aren't you?"

She took one last deep drag and passed the joint back to me before flopping down next to me on the couch and laying back on the cushions. I hit the joint again then passed it back to her and she took a regulation hit and passed it back.

"What brought this on?" I asked flabbergasted.

"I don't know. You don't realize it but there's a lot of pressure on me. It's overwhelming sometime."

"Welcome to the party."

"Some party."

"Now you get it."

"You know, I wish we weren't at each other's throats so much."

"Me too. Sometimes you're just too serious. Now this you, I like. This one should show up more often,"

She laughed.

"What made you finally relax, can I ask?"

"Well, you're right. None of the stuff you do is really a major issue biblically speaking. So, what the hell, why not loosen up?!"

I passed her the joint and she inhaled and passed it back.

"Well, I'm glad that we have arrived at a healthy agreement. You know, you're kind of cool when you're not being an utter bitch."

"Let's not push it."

"Okay."

I felt a familiar stiffness raging underneath the zipper of my jeans and shot Tiffany a sly look.

"You ever hear of a show called touched by an angel?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows like Groucho Marx.

"Yes. And that's not what that show is about! Don't even think about it! Like my mother said give em an inch and they'll take the whole kit and caboodle!"

"I was just playing." I said. My erection softening as I talked. "Hit the joint." I passed her the joint and she inhaled deeply and fell back laughing on the sofa. Tiffany and I continued to smoke out and she told me of her dreams and aspirations, and I shared thoughts about my unusual family and all and all it was a pretty enjoyable time.

After she left, I checked my phone, and it was almost five. Bruce would be showing up in the lobby soon and we'd have to go from there on what to do next. I'd have to find time to pick my mom up a birthday gift sometime along the way.

The phone rang.

Like I had conjured her with my thoughts. It was Mother Dearest.

"Hey mom. Happy birthday?"

"Oh! So, you remembered?! That's a first. You must have spoken with your brother?"

"Yeah. He called."

"That explains it. You're coming right?"

"Of course."

"Alright. We'll expect you there. You only get one mother."

"I know, mom."

"Love you. Don't forget to eat."

"Love you too, mom. And I won't."

"Bye."

"See ya, mom."

We clicked off. 

It was five. I headed downstairs to the lobby to meet Bruce and fill him in on the info I learned from my aunt Brenda. When I got downstairs Bruce was already sitting on the lobby sofa meditating. I walked over and he opened his eyes and looked up at me.

"You're prompt." I said.

'Time is urgent! It waits on no one! But time also can give second chances!" 

"Precisely true. I think that we just got our second chance."

His brow furrowed as he looked up at me dumbfounded not understanding.

"I think I know what the riddle means."

"Really?! What?!" 

"We'll have to locate your master, and you'll have to have his chi transferred into you!"

"Okay. Where is my Master?"

"You don't know?!"

"No. Not since his passing."

"That's a problem."

"I do remember his last registered address."

"Well that's a start. You up for it?"

"Have we a choice?"

"There's that."

I glanced to my left and saw a couple of my neighbors pass me on their way to the elevator with quizzical looks on their faces. Great! Now the rumors would spread throughout the tenants that there was a mad man living in their midst. I imagined myself in their shoes seeing someone in the lobby talking to an empty couch. Not good.

Chapter 6 

Bruce and I left the apartment complex and climbed into my car. I asked him for the address that he recalled for his master, the infamous Ip Man, last residing and he told me. We made tracks for Chinatown and arrived there in relatively good time. We parked and walked to the dilapidated abandoned apartment complex on the corner. The place was a wreck as far as abandoned buildings go and that takes some doing. Night had just fallen and in the dimness of the streetlights the place looked empty and ominous. The building was built in the style of a tenement and my eyes scanned the trail of sad stories that certainly must have been housed here from top to bottom. We entered through a tattered almost non-existent door and headed up what was left of a rickety staircase. As soon as we entered, the place seemed to spring alive with ghosts. There were Asian, black, and Mexican children running aimlessly up or down the stairs engrossed in a game of mass tag. Others clutched teddy bears or dolls with sad eyes. While others played with toy trucks or trains on the landing. The halls were awake with the hum of activity and the voices of spouses railing at each other from behind closed apartment doors permeated the area and added to the ambience of despair.

We stopped in front of a door marked 26C and Bruce rapped lightly on it with his knuckles. After some minutes, the door opened, and we were greeted by an older Asian woman in her late sixties. She was stout with a round face and if she hadn't been dead, I would have commended her on how healthy she looked. 

"Can I help you?" she asked politely.

"Sorry to bother you ma'am." Said Bruce. "My Master; a Mr. Ip Man used to live in this apartment, does he still reside here?"

"Ip Man? The Ip Man lived here?!"

"Yes. For a short period, a long time ago."

"What do you, know! The Ip Man used to live here! Right here! In this very apartment where I lay my head each night! Will wonders ever cease?!" she beamed with pride.

"So, he no longer resides here?" Bruce inquired.

"The Ip Man?! Oh No!"

"Damn! Excuse my language ma'am. I meant no disrespect!"

"Oh, piss off with that! I don't give a shit about language!"

Bruce and I stole quizzical glances at each other before I asked her.

"Do you know by chance where the Ip Man is now?"

She raised her eyebrow in astonishment shocked at the fact that I was not only seeing but addressing her.

"You can see me?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah."

"How?"

"Cursed."

"No shit?! I never met anyone who was actually cursed before. Does it hurt?"

"Only when I breathe."

"How did it happen?"

"My aunt sold my soul to Satan when I was a kid."

"You poor unlucky son of a bitch! That really reams my ass that someone would do that to you! Someone should kick her right in the pussy!"

"Well, actually we're good. She's trying to make amends for it."

"Cuz she sounds like one giant bitch!"

"No. She's actually quite engaging if you know her."

"If you say so. Hey, I don't know much about that motherfucking Ip Man, but the assholes he used to run with are working as cooks and busboys at the Smiling Dragon restaurant."

"You mean his students?" asked Bruce.

"Don't know."

"The Smiling Dragon?! We were just there!" I said to Bruce. 

He nodded.

"If it is his students, maybe someone will have a lead on how to locate the Master." I added.

Bruce agreed. We thanked our foul-mouthed new friend for her assistance then headed for the car. Once inside we punched it in drive, and we were on our way back to the Smiling Dragon.

Chapter 7

The Smiling Dragon was just as lively as the night before. On stage tonight was the Godfather of soul himself, James Brown wailing about how "Papa's got a Brand-New Bag." The place was electric with excitement. Bruce and I headed directly into the kitchen and was met by the expected chaos of cooks, busboys and waiters hustling about their various task. Bruce's face seemed to instantly light up with joy as he gazed about the room.

"Wen Lo! Chen Lee! Tai Loo! Yi Yang!" he shouted exuberantly. 

All activity stopped. The kitchen staff's eyes all fell upon us. There was a moment of silent tension before wide grins began forming on their faces as recognition set in.

"The Master?!" said a cook in disbelief.

"It's the Master!" confirmed a waiter.

Finally, the whole staff stepped forward and embraced Bruce with handshakes and slaps on the back as they rekindled their old friendship. When things had quieted down Bruce gathered them all in a huddle and spoke to them. 

"It is very important for all of us that I locate the Master tonight! I need his Chi to defeat Tam Lau and reclaim the scroll so that our souls can be released! Does anyone know where he's at?"

There was a murmur of chatter amongst the group then a bus boy said.

"I see him on the streets sometimes hanging out by the junk yard. He's really in a bad way. Didn't even recognize me. I think he's homeless."

"Can you take us to where you last saw him?" I asked. 

"You can see us?!" asked a busboy in wide eyed amazement while the others oooed and ahhhed.

"Yeah." I said. "I've got a curse that allows me to see ghosts."

More oooing and ahhhing. 

I repeated my question and the busboy told me he could take us to the spot where he last saw the Master. The rest of the staff overcome with the excitement of being reunited with their long-lost sensei Bruce Lee agreed to accompany us on our search, much to the dismay of the restaurant's owner Wo Fat. 

"Where are you going with my employees?!" yelled Wo Fat as we were all exiting the bar.

"Tonight is a busy night!! Lots of work! Come back here you worthless dogs!" 

In the background James Brown was screaming about how good he felt.

Chapter 8

We arrived at the junkyard and immediately split up into teams of two in an effort of having a better chance at finding the elusive Ip Man. After searching the area for about an hour and coming up empty we met back at the designated meeting area and discussed what to do next. Sang Cho said that he spoke to a ghost that might have recognized someone fitting that description further down along the beach. We headed in that direction as a group and wound up at the beach around twenty minutes later.

Once again, we fanned out and began our search. Forty minutes later, still no one had turned up a thing. By now I was at my wits end and no one had any ideas on how to proceed next. I started to feel like I was failing my childhood hero, leaving him and his students subject to the same fate that I had been condemned to.

We were all standing next to a pile of street ruble of used carpets, newspapers and miscellaneous items of trash and dirty clothes heaped atop of each other. I thought that I had detected movement within the bowels of trash. We all gathered around the hill of rubbish and waited. A short time later we all saw a rather ancient looking head and shoulders of a balding man with a long angular white beard traveling down to his naval. He sat up and starred up quizzically at all of us gazing down on him. 

"What do you want?!" he spat.

"Master! It is me, your student Bruce! With all of our students! We are here to rescue you. You should not have to live like this!"

"Rescue Me?! I don't need rescuing! I'm fine! Just leave me alone! All of you make my butt hole itch!"

"Master?! Don't you recognize me?! It's Bruce Lee! Your star student!"

"Blue Cheese?!"

"Bruce Lee!"

"I don't know any Bruce Lee! Leave me alone!"

He flung a strip of cardboard over his head and turned his back to us as he laid down and tried to burrow his way back underneath the rubble.

I turned to Bruce and asked.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Tam Lau's bite must have addled his mind."

"Can you still consume his chi?"

"Not with him in this state. He must be strong in mind for his chi to be transmittable. We are all lost."

I thought for a second.

"Could chi be transferred into him?" I asked.

"Yes." Said Bruce.

"Good! Have your students transfer their chi into the Master!"

Bruce's eyes opened like silver dollars and a grin of satisfaction appeared on his face.

"Dwake, you are a genius! It might work!"

He addressed his students.

"Quick! All of you place your hands on the Master and transfer your chi into him!"

The students followed their master's instructions with military precision and placed their hands all about the ancient master's head and body and fell into a trance.

"Why are you touching me?!" cried the Ip Man. "Why are you molesting me?! I am a proud heterosexual! You perverts must stop! Rape! Rape! Rape!" yelled the Ip Man in anguish. 

All at once his eyes glazed over and he was overtaken by a wave of calm and only the whites of his eyes were in view. This went on for several minutes until the students removed their hands and the master's pupils fell back in view.

"Bruce?! Bruce is that you?" asked the Ip Man clearing the cobwebs from his mind as he spoke. 

"Yes master. It is me, Bruce! I'm so glad to see you!"

"And also, I you young dragon! Are these all of your students?"

"Yes."

The Ip Man looked at me.

"And him?"

"He is here to help us. Dwake Mullberry. He is a great warrior in his own rite."

"I am glad to know you. Drake Mullberry."

"And I you master Ip Man. The three movies made about your life are insane! That's my shit! It's truly an honor."

I reached out my hand and we shook.

"Movies about me?"

"Oh yeah. They're choice!"

"So, what brings all of you here?" said the Ip Man still trying to reconcile with the fact that he had three movies in the can. 

"I have located Tam Lau's temple. I am scheduled to face him tonight before the fall of the red moon and free us all from his bondage."

"This is good. How can I help?"

"I need to consume your chi before the battle. For his curse has left me unable to fight him in my present condition."

"Whatever you need my son. I am your humble servant."

"I must warn all of you. If I am defeated, all of our souls will be banished into Hell. These were the conditions that I was forced to agree to. Since all of you have transferred your chi into the master, all are subject to the same fate."

"We trust you Master Lee." Said a student.

The rest concurred with nods of heads.

"I have never doubted you young Dragon. Whatever you need of me take." Said the Ip Man.

Bruce nodded and placed his right open palm in the middle of the Ip Man's torso and closed his eyes. I saw a reddish orange glow of energy form around Bruce's palm as he drew the essence of the chi from the Ip Man's person. Then it was over. Bruce stood and he looked like the image of power. He looked at the metal mailbox that was affixed to the cement with bolts next to him. He lashed out with a lightning-fast sidekick that folded the mailbox's metal in on itself and sent the mail container tumbling over with a loud crash. The Dragon was back. After instructing his students to gather up the Ip Man, we all headed as one to meet Tam Lau.

Chapter 9

Everyone piled into my car, and I was surprised that everyone could fit inside my Prius. I kept forgetting that ghosts have no bones, so they are quite pliable. We drove clown car style, looking like a package of hot dogs towards destiny. We arrived at the carnival a short time later. We parked on a side street, filed out of the car, and made our way to the fairgrounds.

The crowd had thinned out by the time we got there being close to closing time. We made our way to the house of mirrors and stood before it.

Bruce signaled to everyone to remain there except for me. We nodded at each other, and I followed him into the house of mirrors. 

Inside was as advertised. A house a mirrors. Some mirrors made you squat and fat, others tall and gangly. Others were just mirrors set up to form a maze of confusion on a winding track. We began to make our way through the tangle of mirrors in an effort to gain entrance to the black temple. As we plodded our way through the twist of mirrors, I had a thought that the vampire's images would not appear in the mirrors, therefore they were of no advantage to them, in fact the multiple images that I cast might even work as an advantage for us.

I saw a colorful flash shoot by me at a speed my eyes could barely comprehend. I saw a fist strike Bruce square on the jaw and drop him to one knee. I turned around in an effort to catch a glimpse of the devastating blur but saw not a sign of anything but the hundreds of images of my own reflection looking back at me. So much for the advantage us, mirror theory. Bruce rose to his feet and readied himself for battle taking a fighting stance reminiscent of the tens of posters once taped to the walls of my bedroom. His eyes shifted slyly from side to side in preparation of another attack. A blinding flash shot past me once again and I saw a foot strike Bruce hard in the torso area and head, dropping him once again. I surveyed the area with my eyes but found no hint of the perpetrator in sight. Bruce struggled back to his feet and resumed his stance. There was an eerie laugh that seemed to emanate from the heavens above. It was Tam Lau.

"Ha ha ha ha! You are still not ready young, Dragon. I shall consume your essence and cast the souls of you and yours into Hell for all eternity!"

A Chinese battle spear soared past my vision of sight and barely missed Bruce by a fraction only because Bruce was able to shift his body ever so slightly to avoid its impact. The spear crashed through a section of mirror, the force spinning it around on its axis leaving its deadly point facing back out at us. Bruce took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began to perform a brief kata. A series of fighting moves in a stationary position. When he had regained his mental center, he dawned the famous fighting stance once again. 

I saw another flash of light zip past me and Bruce lashed out with a lightening quick side kick. I heard it connect with a sickening crunch. The next thing I saw was Tam Lau impaled through the chest by the Chinese battle spear pinioned against the mirror like an insect in a collection.

"Ahhh eeee ooooh whoo haahiii" howled Bruce with a dramatic grimace on his face.

He approached the dying Tam Lau still in the Jeet Kune Do fighting stance.

"You still have not won young dragon." Said Tam Lau through gulps of gushing blood that was leaking out of his mouth.

"I beg to differ." I offered snidely.

Tam Lau shot me a spiteful look then closed his eyes and was no more.

We turned and left the house of mirrors confident in the fact that there was one less asshole walking the earth. When we emerged outside Master Ip Man and his students were there to meet us with exuberance. There were hoorays and slaps on the back for both of us.

Tam Lau's body hung lifeless and impaled on the point of the battle spear that protruded through his chest. The sheer weight of his body stressing the hinges and bolts suspending the mirror upright making the mirror waver momentarily, then fall forward, breaking off of its steel supports, crashing Tam Lau's body face first to the floor. The battle spear shot out of his body upon the impact and clattered on the floor next to his prone motionless body. Some minutes passed and then Tam Lau began to move his fingers.

Bruce's students were still caught up in the celebration of victory. They hoisted Bruce on to their shoulders and were jubilantly walking Bruce off of the premises when we heard Tam Lau's voice ring out behind us. 

"I told you that it is not over little dragon!"

We all turned around as one and were stunned to see Tam Lau and his vampire minions beckoning us back. The students lowered Bruce to the ground, and he strolled calmly back to face Tam Lau once more. The tension in the air was evident. We all held our breath in anticipation of the ensuing battle where only one man would survive. Seconds seemed like minutes. Minutes like hours.

When they were the allotted distance from each other Bruce fell effortlessly into his Jeet Kune Do fighting stance. Tam Lau lashed out with an elaborate windmill flailing of arms performing a traditional tiger style kata in the hard stance before stepping out to meet Bruce. The two men circled each other each waiting for their opportunity to inflict harm on to the other. Tam Lau was the first to attack, launching a series of punches and kicks at a lighting speed forcing Bruce to defend with expert precision. Bruce returned an attack, but Tam Lau managed to evade each intended blow in cat like form. Ceasing on the opportunity, Tam Lau lashed out with a terrible tiger palm strike to the solar plexus forcing the air out of Bruce's corded abdomen leaving him stunned and vulnerable. Tam Lau unleashed a blistering flurry of left and right hooks to either side of Bruce's jaw whipping his head back and forth like a game of tetherball. Tam Lau followed up with a vicious spin heel kick that caught Bruce directly on the temple crashing him to the ground in a heap.

Bruce lay there motionless for what seemed like minutes then slowly struggled to regain his footing. By now a crowd of straggling carnival attendees had gathered around me to witness what to them appeared to be an Asian master displaying his skill in the martial arts to me. They of course being unable to see Bruce and the other ghost. 

Tam Lau glared down at his wounded prey and laughed. He bared his awful fangs in preparation for his final attack. Bruce had managed to drag himself up from the ground but momentarily swayed as he tried to regain his equilibrium making Tam Lau Laugh even harder. 

Bruce closed his eyes and looked to retain his center. He took several slow deep breaths, his chest raising and falling in rhythm. He began moving his arms in graceful arcs about his body until he was lost within the motions of the ancient Wing Chun kata, building his chi with each action. A blue flame seemed to radiate around his appendages as he performed these attacks and defenses against unseen assailants. Then he stopped and focused his attention on Tam Lau. Using the four fingers of his lead hand he signaled to Tam Lau to attack. Tam Lau in a fury waded in lashing out with kicks and punches delivered at a furious pace. Bruce defended each strike expertly and without warning delivered a powerful one-inch punch to Tam Lau's solar plexus that lifted him off his feet and sent him crashing against the outer walls of the house of mirrors with a terrific impact. 

The crowd of onlookers began clapping in appreciation. Believing that what they were seeing was an authentic display of Asian dance and acrobatics.

Before he could regain his baring Bruce was on him pummeling him with fire fused kicks and punches from his glowing hands and feet. Tam Lau was a beaten man standing there unable to defend himself when Bruce lashed out with a magnificent spin heel kick that trailed a line of orange flame as he spun. The contact to Lau's Jaw was substantial, deforming his face for a moment as the heel connected with the bone of the jaw. Tam Lau staggered for a moment before noticing that his body was beginning to smoke and smolder. Seconds later he ignited in a blue blaze that consumed his body in a wave sending orange flames up into the sky like a roman candle. Immediately after his minions caught ablaze going up like stick matches in a row. The crowds broke into applause believing that they had witnessed the greatest magic show ever.

A lone scroll fell from the sky and dropped on the ground in front of Bruce. He bent and picked it up as he perused it a look of joy began to appear on his face.

"It's the sacred scroll!" he proclaimed.

There was a loud "hooray" from all of the students as they once again congratulated Bruce with shows of jubilation and pats on the back. Master Ip Man approached Bruce and bowed his head briefly before addressing him. 

"Now once again, the student has become the master." He said with a satisfied grin on his face. 

Bruce accepted the compliment with grace, then we all piled into my car and headed back to Chinatown to return the scroll to its rightful place inside Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do martial arts studio.

Chapter 10

Bruce's studio had been renovated to look like it originally did back in its heyday. Classes were even taught here during the day and evenings. But at this hour the building was dark with no of signs of life.

Bruce, Ip Man, and the students all passed through the locked door unimpeded and flipped the lock seconds later to allow me to enter. The inside looked like any other dojo, but different in one respect. This was Bruce Lee's dojo. Sacred ground. Towards the rear of the dojo was a trophy area filled with honors won from past and present students. 

Bruce placed the sacred scroll on an empty podium then stood back appreciating the moment and what it represented. He retrieved a green jade dragon from off one of the shelves and approached me. 

"I would like to offer you this jade dragon in appreciation for what you have done for the Shaolin Temple, myself and all who were imprisoned by Tam Lau's evil. I am forever in your debt."

He handed me the dragon, and I bowed before accepting it. 

"Thank you, Bruce. Don't mention it. It's been an honor. You've always been a hero of mine. Anything that I could do I was happy to do it."

Bruce smiled and reached out to shake my hand, but when I tried to grab his hand in return, my fingers passed right through it as if it were mist. I looked at him and I could see that he was de-materializing along with the others.

Bruce viewed his hands and arms with astonishment as they became translucent.

"Think you Mr. Dwake! I think it's happening now!" he said. 

Bright lights shot down from the ceiling engulfing the entire group then shot back up again into the sky. I was now standing alone inside Bruce Lee's legendary studio holding a priceless jade dragon. Then it hit me. Damn! It's my mom's birthday!

I exited the Dojo and re-locked the door on my way out. Standing there alone to greet me outside the studio to my surprise was Tina the chola, who I'm sure had left a boot print somewhere along my spine and forehead.

"What brings you out at this time of night?" I asked. "Was there a spot on my body that you missed stomping on earlier? I asked snidely. 

She giggled. Which wasn't the response I expected.

"No." she said coyly twisting the gum she was chewing around her finger as she talked. 

"I just thought that you were cute. I wanted to make sure that you were okay?"

I was feeling better. Especially with the realization that doing the wild thing with Tina might still be a possibility for the evening. I like to do the wild thing.

"What you doing right now?"

"Nothing."

"You want to go to a party?"

Mom was ecstatic when I gave her the jade dragon, having never given her such an elaborate gift before. I could feel my brother Brandon's ire silently rising as mom fawned over the gift, his gift of a new TV failing in comparison. Can't say she was as equally impressed with my new girlfriend Tina who showed up to the party dressed in full Adams Family spooky make-up consisting of black magic marker etched cholas styled eyebrows and lashes with bright red lipstick which I'm sure frightened my mother and brother even more than it frightened me. Which is saying a lot because she really kind of scared the shit out of me.

After the party I took Tina to my apartment in the Valley for a nightcap and smoke before falling into the sack for a session of the wild thing.

After a very satisfying five minutes, there was a furious pounding at my door. As I got up to answer it, I quickly wrapped a towel around my waist, ambled towards the door and opened it. It was Tiffany the angel rambling on about the paperwork involved in matters referencing premarital sex and the evils of fornication. I slammed the door in her face and went back for another round of the wild thing.

Seven minutes later I was lying next to Tina winded and drenched in sweat. I noticed that Tina seemed to be upset. When I inquired, she told me that the attitude stemmed from me having random women showing up banging on my door with a list of demands. I tried to explain to her how the whole situation with Tiffany amounted to nothing, but she wasn't having any of it. She got up, threw her clothes on, and flipped me the bird while calling me a "pinche pendejo!" as she exited through the front door slamming it.

I rolled up another joint and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened when I heard a knock on the door. Figuring that Tina had forgotten something or better yet had come to her senses and realized what she needed was another four- or five-minute bout of that sweet, sweet wild thing. 

I got up and quickly wrapped the towel around my pelvis once again, this time consciously fluffing my genitals into a nice chub to entice Tina even more. A sly lure to hook her like a mackerel on the line. There was another knock as I was approaching the door, this time more frantic. "Oh, she really wants it. Don't worry baby, Daddy's coming with that vitamin D you need so bad!" I thought. By now I was packing a full on ragger. 

Foreshadow

I opened the door breathing hard with excitement. I was ready to fall into Tina's arms and take her violently right there in the hallway. Screw what the neighbors thought. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do! I briefly closed my eyes and imagined the moment. When I opened them what I saw was not Tina at all. My sex craved Latina love slave had been replaced by four white men dressed like feds and a dark-haired woman dressed like a woman fed. They all looked down at the tee pee protruding from my towel. My hands shot down to flatten it against my naval. The embarrassment was immediate and "my little friend" soon shrunk back down into nothingness. The five looked back up at me as if they were one automaton and reached into their suit jackets simultaneously. For a second, I thought that it was a hit and was almost relieved to see them all come out with flip badges. 

Feds.

"FBI. Can we have a word with you?" said the woman.

"Why?! What'd I do?!"

"Nothing Mr. Mullberry." It was the tall blond Brad Pitt look alike standing beside her this time. "We need your help."

"Need my help?! On what?!"

"May we come in?" the woman asked.

"Now?!" I asked incredulously. 

"It's important." It was the Brad Pitt look alike. "A matter of national security."

I remembered tilting my head in the way a puppy would when shone something that it doesn't understand. The confusion must have shone on my face because the woman agent said.

"I know that it sounds confusing. We got it from a very good source that you were the one to contact for this little situation that has arisen."

"A good source? What source?"

"May we come in?" she insisted once again.

I stepped back and let them all in, then closed the door behind me. I turned to face them as they wandered into the living room eyeing everything as they did so.

"You might want to have a seat for this." Suggested the woman.

"That's alright. I'll stand."

"Alright. Agent Carmichael." She said extending her hand and walking back towards me. I reached out and shook it. She turned and pointed to Pitt. "That's agent Gibbs." She said.

Then she named the rest of the agents in the room. "Agent Marshall, Agent Simmons, Agent White."

She turned back to me. "Are you sure that you don't want to have a seat?"

"Are you just trying to see underneath my towel?" I asked.

Agent Carmichael shook her head and smiled unknowingly as she reached inside a briefcase that she was holding. She took out a leather-bound folder and handed the briefcase to agent Gibbs who in turn handed it off to agent Marshall. She opened up the folder and showed me a picture. It was a headshot, a well-known headshot.

"She's loose again. We don't know how. But she must be stopped!" said agent Carmichael.

I just looked at her as if she were the craziest person that I had ever come across. The exact same way my mother and brother look at me. Now I understood how my family must view me, and I didn't like it at all.

"Do you know who that is?!" I asked with indignation.

"Of course, I know who it is!" she proclaimed.

I looked down at the picture once again and could not believe the surrealism of it all. Why was the FBI showing me a photo of Marilyn Monroe?

To be continued.... 

In the next exciting.... 

Munch Bucket "Eerie" Mysteries

Book III

Bean pies, Burgers, and a side of Succubus